ANGER AND GRIEF!!!

doesn't sound like a very fun subject and WELL ITS NOT  !!! IM SO GLAD NOBODY READS THIS it gives me the freedom to say what im feeling.  OH DID I MENTION MY MOTHER DIED not really a surprise since she's been killing herself slowly for really the last OH I DON'T KNOW LIFE TIME !!! why you ask can't really say she did have a horrible childhood ALCOHOLICS for parents the dad that left you and never really cared im certain there was sexual abuse i can't see how there couldn't of been she was raised in such a unsafe environment so naturally she pick horrible men in her life and her first husband my dad (who i love) but man what a jerk he fooled around every chance he could and then at 49 after i don't know almost thirty years left her for his secretary wow talk about a bad story line but i guess he got his he died at 58 which of course meant my mom had lost the love of her life AND IF YOU DARED MENTION THAT'S NOT REALLY A VERY HEALTY LOVE WELL YOU WERE A SHIT HEAD!! and the next piece of shit well needless to say still trying to get rid of him AHHHHH YES LETS TALK ANGER so mom why did you leave us this one last mess to clean up ??? you leave this dumb fuck nothing!!! WHICH OF COURSE YOU KNOW AFTER 23 YEARS HE'S ENTITLED TO SOMETHING  so let the games begin instead of us finally trying to find peace were still fighting DID I MENTION HOW MAD I AM !! did i mention all the years of embarrassment i suffered because this guy was such a goof!! and now he's the king of the castle GREAT I SAY IF THE LOOSER CAN GET THE MONEY GIVE HIM YOUR TRAILER I WILL NOT FIGHT YOUR FIGHTS ANYMORE !!! i had no relationship with my dad because WELL YOU WERE SO SAD AND HE WAS SO HAPPY  so i was just going to wait until you got happy HMMMM THAT DIDN'T WORK-OUT SO WELL DID IT dad's dead and your still unhappy and getting more unhappy by the day NOW WHAT oh ya now you get lung cancer I WONDER WHAT BROUGHT THAT ON!! but you beat it second chance at life  but OH NO this was the beginning of the end  i wonder what happened that was the turning point for you i can only guess but thats when you brought THE BIGGEST LOOSER BACK so im just guessing you weren't all happy snappy to be alive and scared of dying alone  because nobody would willing bring back such a deceiving person unless you felt that was better then nothing HAVE I MENTIONED THIS IS WHAT MY MOTHER'S MOTHER DID!!! never good enough to be loved didn't  deserve it no matter how many times i tried to talk to you to get help god is good he will help you but you have to help yourself you never would.  this is the sad fact you wanted to die with drama and heart break around you never finding any peace and never leaving your daughters with any peace am i ANGRY yup have been for a long time so many question AND GUESS WHAT IM GOING TO USE THIS BLOG TOOOOO BLOG MYSELF RIGHT THROUGH  MY ANGER AND GRIEF (which i do have moments of it)  and if anyone does read it which i doubt they will see im terrible at punctuation,run on sentences OH YA AND EVEN SPELL CHECK DOESN'T HELP SOMETIMES  so for today i only feel anger MOM YOU WERE SO YOUNG YOU HAD ANOTHER GREAT GRANDCHILD ON THE WAY WHY,WHY.WHY!!  BUT i love you and i miss you and i sure wish you didn't have to leave us so soon and i know all the love and peace you ever looked for is there for you now xoxo