REALLY WTF!!

So my mother has passed away which i mentioned in my previous post NOT SURE IF I MENTIONED MY FATHER-IN -LAW passed away and my son had his brand new perfect boy JUST TO REMIND ME LIFE IS ABOUT LIVING NOT DYING !! what a special incredible  moment to see my grandson who filled my heart with love in not even one second how blessed we all are how perfect is the cycle of  life its so hard to remember this with so many losses so close together. TO be a NONA is amazing watching my son and his girlfriend even more amazing the togetherness, the laughter ,the pride , the love and their all of twenty two SO PROUD OF THEM AND I KNOW MY BABY WILL HAVE THE BEST PARENTS EVER. Now back to me i watched with stunned silence wondering if even once my husband showed me that much compassion or unconditional love and such pride over his sons this has been a very weird time in my life ive seen my husband who i was assured had no feeling crying like a baby at his dad's funeral don't get me wrong BUT I WANT SOME OF THAT twenty years ive been married and i gave up on ever expecting my husband to be understand or be there when i need him AND I DIDN'T HAVE TO ASK OR TELL HIM HE JUST KNEW (ya right) or do loving thoughtful things THAT WASN'T HIM he provided AND really what right did i have to ask for more then that and now i sit here sad disillusion  why did i expect so little !! can i stay ???IS IT TO LATE TO CHANGE BOTH OF US my heart is breaking i don't want to leave but to stay would be to except mediocre aren't we suppose to be number one in each other's life !!! where did the love go how can it be fixed is this just a bump in the road or is this the real deal. I have reached out many times to my husband and for the sake of everyone else i have settled is that what im going to do again am i going to be your typical fifty year old who leaves because she needs to find herself she needs to be number one !! time will tell so far this fat lady is still singing but my song is getting shorter and shorter :) till next time keep it clean and play SAFE